DOE jokes

Ice Cream

  • Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.

    Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

    Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"

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  • Synonym

  • A kindergarten teacher is chatting with little John. The teacher asks John, "John, can you get me some pencils?" John replies, "Sure, I'll do it!" and accidentally knocks over a vase.

    The teacher says, "Oh, John!"

    John asks, "What does that mean?" The teacher replies, "It's kind of a synonym for 'You loser!'"

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  • Bathroom scale

  • A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

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  • Driving Test

  • Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.

    Mom: "Okay, any questions?"

    Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."

    Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."

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  • Flash

  • Why does Ezra Miller’s Flash run in a straight line in The Flash movie? Bro ain’t straight.

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