DOE jokes
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
What does the cell ride to work?
A vesicle.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?
Duhhuuughhhr.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
What does NASA mean? No Apes Submit Astronauts.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
What makes you think feminists can change anything?
What does e equal?
I don’t know, a bunch of random numbers, but e=mc2.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on how high your ceiling is.
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw the baby.
Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A. Depends how thin you slice them.
What does Donald Trump say when he declares war? Nuke them.
What does a pervert say when he declares war? Nude them.
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.