DOE jokes
Why does Beethoven's music sound like hell sometimes?
Because he doesn't listen to it!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
How does the sea say hello?
It WAVES you.
SEA what I did there?
I'm SHORE you saw it.
Don't be SALTY!
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?
A skele-TON!
What does a nosey paper do?
It gets "Jalapeño" your face!
I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)