What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
What does Michael Jackson like about 28 year olds? There's 20 of them!
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man that is homophobic into giving him a brojob?
The gay man puts mustard on his dick and then puts his dick inside a glory hole.
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.
How many black people does it take to start a protest? -1.
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
YOOO, does anyone need an ark? I know a guy!
Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?
Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer!
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
