DOE jokes
What does water see in orphans that they don't? Their parents.
What does Chainsaw Man's chainsaw say as he chases a black person?
"Runnnnigernigernigerniger..."
What does Joyce from the show "Stranger Things" say when she has a flat tire? "Wheil, wheil, wheres wheil?"
You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.
Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?
When does a dyslexic person know when they've spelt their address wrong?
When it fails to turn up.
Does anyone else just randomly build a lantern at 9:30pm
There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.
Why does the Tower of Pisa lean?
Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?
Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
What does your head come out of... your brain?
What does iCloud eat for lunch?
Your documents.
Does anyone else just want to die, or is it just me?
Why does the orphan can’t write a single word or sentence?
Because the orphan is dumber.
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
What does NASA stand for? Nobody Asked, Someone Answered.
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
How does a rapper apologize?
With a rap-ology!
What does a British cannibal's favorite meal?
Fish and chaps.
If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.