DOE jokes

Guardian

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

Dick

What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.

Sex

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.

Memes

Test

I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.

Dad

What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.

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  • Feminist

    What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?

    At least one does something when it is triggered.

    Dead Baby

    How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

    Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.

    Priest

    What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.

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  • Pedophile

    What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.

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  • Dictate

    One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"

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  • Twin Towers

    What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.

    Orgasm

    What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

    I don't care if she has one.

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  • Dad

    Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

    Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."