Disease jokes

If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.

What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.

I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.

"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.

That's what Elliot Rodger did.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

I had amnesia once... maybe twice.

AIDS?

Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"

Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"

I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.

What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?

There's none, they both don't age well.

COVID-19 is like pasta.

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed receiving medical treatment soon after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit Bob and told him this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb peaking mountains, and cross low valleys."

Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in some laundry.

What's the difference between herpes and my dad?

Herpes stays around.