Disease jokes
Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.
He’s got himself.
He is helping world hunger by feeding cancer.
Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?
He didn’t; he never did.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
Monke
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Yo mama is so stupid that she studied for a COVID test.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
Have you ever walked in to Stephen Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
Have you ever walked past Stephen Hawking's house?
No, well neither has he.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My father didn’t beat cancer.
Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What did the kid with Parkinson's drink for breakfast?
Milkshake.
What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?
They never get old.
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
What did the blind, deaf, and dumb orphans get for Christmas?...
Cancer.
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?
An arti-“choke”!