Disease jokes
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed receiving medical treatment soon after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit Bob and told him this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb peaking mountains, and cross low valleys."
Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
Monke
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?
Herpes stays around.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?
It's funnier when kids get it.
What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?
Cancer.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?
A hurri-CANE.
You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's...
You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His shoulder.