Disease jokes

What's the difference between herpes and my dad?

Herpes stays around.

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in some laundry.

What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?

"Mind if I join you?"

What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?

My brother didn’t beat cancer.

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.

I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

My dad didn't beat the cancer.

What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?

It's funnier when kids get it.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?

Cancer.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.

What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?

A hurri-CANE.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food?

His shoulder.

Dark humor is like COVID-19... Not everyone gets it.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

"Don't worry, you can keep the tip."

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

A dark joke is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.

I AM SO SORRY!

All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.

Snow White and the six Dwarfs, Sneezy was caught by covid-19 quarantine!