Disease jokes
The fact that "Hawkins" rhymes with "walking" and "talking," yet he could never do any of them.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?
Nothing... she couldn't tell.
Steven Hawking died. I said, "Why? Did his wheelchair break?"
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?
Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite type of basketball?
Dribble.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
Cancer
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
Why can’t Sally get a hair cut? She has cancer.
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
My jokes are cancer.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
What’s the most common name for cancer patients?
Luke (leukemia)
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.