Why do people shake cigarette boxes?
To wake up the cancer.
Yo mama is so fat that you should really take care of her because diabetes is a serious problem and she might die.
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
