Disease jokes

If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.

If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.

What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

What's the difference between herpes and my dad?

Herpes stays around.

Yo mama so dumb, she studied for a COVID test.

I hate salmonella.

It is such a pain in the butt.

Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.

Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

Titanic: And I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

What’s the best part of stage four cancer?

A: There’s no stage five.

What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

I was bullying Stephen Hawking. I told him, "Why not stand up for yourself?"

Dark humor is like cancer, it's funnier when children get it.

What is mad cow disease?

I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"

What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?

Borderline Personality Disorder.

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.