Disability jokes

How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?

A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"

The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"

Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!

Do you know who Helen Keller is?

Neither did she.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite band?

The Rolling Stones.

What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?

Leaving, walking.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

What is the name of Hellen Keller's dog?

NYAHHH NYAHH NYUUUU NYAAHHHAADUUDU!

Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.

How did Helen Keller drive?

One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.

Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?

Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RCXD.

Helen Keller: *Gets knocked to the floor*

Helen Keller (in her head): "Wow, I didn't see that coming!"

A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

Yo mama's so ugly, even the kid in the wheelchair ran.

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?

The waffle iron.