Disability jokes
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He couldn't log in.
Knock knock. Who's there? Beep boop S.t.e.p.h.e.n beep boop H.a.w.k.i.n.g.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
What do you call a downy who can't get a girlfriend?
Down bad.
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.
Because obviously she doesn’t listen.
I wrote a book called "Endless Love."
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
He can’t walkie or talkie.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.