Disability jokes

God: “Stephen, join us!”

*sees the staircase to heaven.*

Stephen: “Shit!”

Have you ever walked through Stephen Hawking's house? No?

Well..... neither has he.

What has two arms and two legs but can’t walk or run?

Stephen Hawking.

What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.

Who was the meanest man in the world?

He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.

Why can’t Helen Keller drive?

It’s because she’s dead.

Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

What do an orphan and a blind person have in common? They both can't see their parents.

What do you say to a girl with no arms and no legs? Nice boobs!

Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?

He had no legs.

Why can't blind people fish?

Because it was "see food."

Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?

"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"

How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?

He can't run, just hug the bomb.

What do you call your sister if she only has one leg?

Ei-lean.

Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?

He couldn't make it up the stairs.

Stephen Hawking died because he rolled too far from the outlet.

So, a blind man got run over by a car... a parked car.

I was going to think of a good amputee joke...

But I’m stumped.

Hellen Keller walked into a bar, then a chair, then a table.