Disability jokes
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
I wrote a book called "Endless Love."
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.
Because obviously she doesn’t listen.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?
From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RCXD.
Did you hear about the TikTok post that offended disabled people? Some didn't reply because the comment section was disabled.
What is the name of Hellen Keller's dog?
NYAHHH NYAHH NYUUUU NYAAHHHAADUUDU!
What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?
Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."