Disability jokes
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting them back in the wheelchair.
What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?
They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.
What do you call a disabled person that has no legs and likes being alone?
Leaving, walking.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She was born without arms.
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite hobby?
Rolling on ice.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
What did the autistic man order at McDonald’s?
Ass Burgers.
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
He can’t walkie or talkie.
I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.
Because obviously she doesn’t listen.
What do you call a paraplegic stuck in a tower?
In trouble!
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
What has 4 wheels, no wings, and flies?
A dead cripple.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.