How did Stephen Hawking die?
He ran out of battery life.
Disability Jokes
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
How do they execute paraplegics?
With the electric wheelchair.
I can't stand disability jokes.
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
Teacher: Take a seat, class.
Wheelchair person: I've been in the seat.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
Steven Hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says...
WAITTTT WHATTT
What present did the armless kid get for Christmas?
He got gloves. Ohh, sorry, he could never open the present.
I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."
I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"
Why are handicap signs blue? Because they're all Crips. (sorry)
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?
Because she can’t hear the sea.
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the optometrist?
Because she’s dead.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she is a girl.
What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?
A hurri-CANE.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?
They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.
