Disability jokes
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
What’s better than Stephen Hawking?
Stephen walking.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
Memes
I really like
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?
Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
Now touring: Stephen Hawking unplugged.
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
What's a person with Down syndrome's favorite detergent?
Downy.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite TV show?
Robot Wars.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.