Disability jokes
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
Why can't a blind person eat fish?
They can't see food.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.
Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
What's better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Hi, I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hairdryer.