Disability jokes

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

Neither of 'em can see their parents.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.

He said it was the most violent book he ever read.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?

They both can't see their parents.

What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?

Special Forces.

What do you call a person with no arms?

Armless.

No, it's harmless.

What do you say to a depressed special kid?

“Why so down?”

I hope Stephen Hawking's an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-cart.

What do you call a disabled person who gets high?

Baked potato.

How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

Neither has he.

What part of a vegetable can you not eat?

The wheelchair.

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?

Because he couldn’t climb up the stairs to heaven.

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldn’t stand up?

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What sucks about disabled people?

They can't stand up for themselves.

So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

I’m just kidding.