Disability jokes
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.
What do you say to a depressed special kid?
“Why so down?”
What sucks about disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?
Special Forces.
What do you call terrorists in a wheelchair?
An RCXD.
I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.
What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldn’t stand up?
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t climb up the stairs to heaven.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither of 'em can see their parents.
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
I hope Stephen Hawking's an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-cart.
What do you call a person with no arms?
Armless.
No, it's harmless.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.