Disability jokes
Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?
... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
Hint: he didn’t.
What’s the opposite of Stephen Hawking? Stephen walking.
Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?
Because he was always sitting on the job.
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Jake who woke up one morning to find his wife and her wheelchair missing. He searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, he put up posters all over town offering a reward.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
"Sum ting wong."
What do you call a disabled Arab?
Artoo-Detoo (R2-D2).
Stephen could not click the "I'm not a robot" button, so I guess he is fucked.
I raped a disabled child.
I think she's too far gone to repair now.
A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.
What did the orphan say to the crippled man?
I suffer from crippling depression.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
What do you call a cute boy with Down syndrome?
Awwtistic.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.