Disability jokes
So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.
I’m just kidding.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What’s Stephan Hawking's favorite dance move?
The robot.
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
Q: What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
A: Neither of them get to see their parents.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!
Hi, I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hairdryer.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
What was Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.