Difference jokes

What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?

I've never been inside a submarine.

A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."

So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"

She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"

The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"

"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.

The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.

"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!

What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.

What's the difference between vitiligo and plastic surgery?

Vitiligo doesn't alter facial features.

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?

A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?

Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?

Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?

Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."

A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.