Difference jokes
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?
There's none, they both don't age well.
What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.
What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.
Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
What's the difference between me and Spongebob?
Spongebob can actually get ripped.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
What's the difference between Nickelback and a nickel?
A nickel is actually metal.
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?
The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.
There’s a noticeable difference between using polish to remove grease and using Polish to remove Greece.
What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?
Presentation.
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?
A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.
What’s the difference between kids and drugs?
I don’t hide drugs in my basement.
What’s the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?
So, it was you....
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
What's the difference between Canada and the USA?
In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.
In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.