Difference jokes
What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?
The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.
What is the difference between me and a knife?
The knife has a point.
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.
What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.
(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.
You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?
I've never been inside a submarine.
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?
When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.
There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."
You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.