Didnt jokes
Why did hockey wookie slap kissing Missy in the face? Because Huggy didn't get a kissy from Kissy Missy.
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
Why didn't the orphan do the work?
Because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad, there's nobody to call.
I regret my abortion.
I didn’t know child labor was an option.
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it only went halfway.
Why was the dog staying in the shade?
Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!
In my locality, there was an orphanage but everybody in the locality was really sexist too, so they had to change the orphanage into a brothel 'cause everybody took the boys away and nobody was taking the girls and the manager didn't want to waste any 14-year-old pussy, did he?
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance party? Because he had NOBODY to dance with.
Oh hi guys. Oh, whoops, I didn't planet this way.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.