Didnt jokes
Stephen Hawking was a bit of a hardcase. He didn't let people push him around.
Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!
What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.
I made a website on orphans, sadly it didn't have a homepage.
Why didn't the dog want to play football??
'Cause he was a boxer!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they didn’t have a home.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it only went halfway.
Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.
"Hey, Firesharky... How did you know if I was your brother when I'm not? You didn't even say my name, and plus, I'm lying about my name."
Why do orphans have no home?
Because they didn't have a family to give them one.
I didn’t do that.
Orange: Hey Apple, Apple, hey Apple.
Apple: What?
Orange: Orange you glad I didn't say "Apple" again? Hahaha!
"I see, I see." "Oh, do you see?" "I see 1st place looking at me." "Hi, don’t be shy, just say hi." She was shy, she didn’t say hi. Softball cheers.
History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.
The people in the second tower, "I'm so glad that plane didn't hit our building!"
The second plane, 🗿🗿🗿
I wasn't gonna tell another Epstein joke but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
One woman said to the other, "This child is truly cruel!"
The second woman replied, "Did I say 'child'?"
The first woman said, "I beg your pardon; I didn't know you were my father!"
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"