Didnt jokes

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.

Why didn't the movie star argue with the customer service clerk?

He didn't have a good counter act!

Guess whose parents didn't survive?

Liv's parents.

My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Because he had no body to go with!

Why did Stephen Hawking cross the street?

He didn’t; he never did.

I didn't put my kids up for adoption.

Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?

The people in the second tower, "I'm so glad that plane didn't hit our building!"

The second plane, 🗿🗿🗿

I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.

I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.

When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.

They didn't know where to put the orphan. He was returned from the hospital he was born from; the parents gained one cent, while the orphan gained potatoes as friends.

A guard at a baseball stadium let in the pheasant, the chicken, and the duck. But he didn't let in the turkey. Why? Because four strikes and you are out!

A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.

Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?

Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.

Store owner: But still, why?

Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.

Store owner: Oh, I get it now!

My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.

Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.

And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.

And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"

Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.

Why didn't Superman save the Twin Towers?

Because he's a quadriplegic.