Didnt jokes
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.
My friend was like, "That's a huge sack of balls!"
He didn't realize what was about to happen.
"That's what she said!"
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
Why didn't the skeleton follow his dreams? He was too gutless.
Why didn't the skeleton want to make art anymore?
He didn't have the heart to put into it.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning :3
Why didn't the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees!
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
Why didn’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
He couldn’t climb the stairway.
Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.
Why didn’t the turkey cross the road?
To prove that he was not chicken.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."