Dick jokes

Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.

Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.

Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.

Guys, the person that said "suck a dick" was Mase. His real name is Mason, so ya.

I like dicks... sporting goods.

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!

Dad: Oh, OK!

2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.

Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?

Son: I do...

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Eating dick? Yes, Papa.

Dick.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

Women can't take a joke!

A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick?

Because he didn't have a pen to write with.

You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

Why don't gays shop at sports authority?

They prefer Dick's.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."