Di Jokes

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "this lemonade tastes like bleach..."

i asked an emo girl "do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies"

I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.

I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff

They died of happiness and a 30 story fall

Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation

What’s the difference between Nelson mindella and Paul Walker?

They both died at 95.

My dad died in 9/11, He was a great pilot

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something, SOMEONE will laugh. Say: This word isnt gonna be funny until i tell you, your probably not going to laugh. *your friend* whats the word? *you* finger *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not every one laughs, so dont feel bad if they dont. Also dont be surprized if you get put in jail for murder, because your going to kill someone with this.

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Guess Stephens batteries died

What noise does Steven hawkings make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune

doctor: you need to eat healthy

me: no

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died

me: oh my goodness

doctor: in a plane crash

me: that sounds unrelated

doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me

Yesterday i saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no so i asked him if he needed help. And he said yes so i let him in my car and said dont worry you’ll be home with you parents soon. He said my parents died. I said i know.... i went for the cliffs

Two scientists walk into a bar. One says ̈I want h20” the other said ̈ I want h20 too ̈ The second scientist died.

roses are red violets are violets my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good piolet

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.