Why do asses make the best detectives?
They always crack the case!
Detection Jokes
What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Hehe
So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.
I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.
Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.
What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?
One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.
Facial detection? More like racial detection.
So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.
So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
What was the most famous skeleton detective in the world? Sherlock Bones!
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled!
Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?
Wife: In a detective novel.
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
What do you call the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones!
Joke: What do you call a gay alligator detective?
Answer: An Investigator