Depression jokes

I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!

I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.

I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.

1. just feeling sad. 2. depression. 3. self harm. 4. suicide.

I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days, I’m going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me...

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!

I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.

Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?

My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...

Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.

Dentist: Open up, sir.

Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

Dentist: Do you need help??

Me: Yep.

Dentist: ...

Me: ....

What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?

De-presso.

When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.

What do you call a train with bubble gum?

A chew chew train.

Oh man, I'm depressed.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

My depression is depressed.

I fucking love rhubarbs.

Are you bleach? Because I want you inside of me.