Depression jokes
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else…
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five.
It left him hanging.
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?
Pizza won't cut itself.
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
You look sexy with that rope around your neck.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.
"Don't worry! Life goes on."
"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."
Your hairline's so far back that five hour energy became a five day depression.
Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.
My fucking life, cya.
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...