Depression jokes

Define abnormal life.

Waking up every day living a sane life!

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo?

Cutting-edge Technology.

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

To the guy who stole my depression medication,

I hope you're happy.

My day started out great until I woke up.

If I die, delete my search history.

Hey, y'all, I just wanna say thanks to Gwen on here. She writes jokes, and she got me through a lot xx.

Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.

When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

What's a dead person's favorite sentence?

"I made it."

To all my bullies: don’t call me gay because I’m not happy.

I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.

Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”

Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”

What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?

They both have something hanging in their closet.