Decision jokes

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.

I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.

Marry or don't marry, you will regret both!

I wanted to get brain surgery.

I changed my mind.

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"

What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?

Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂

A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied:

"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.

Guys, comment below if I should do a name reveal!

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.