Death jokes

What did the Los Angeles Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breathe? They gave George Floyd two squirts of Zicam cold remedy inside his nose.

Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?

Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

The man who invented Velcro died.

RIP.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

If the US ate chicken, it would die.

“Life is going swimmingly,”

“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”

What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

Person: You can't kill an orphan!

Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?

Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

A: You give them a Sandy Hook.

Kms.

The earth was once flat... until they buried your mom.

What would you do if you were killed?

Are you a gravestone?

Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!