What did cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commanders) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you"
(Lexa and Clarke from 'The 100' [ #LexaDeservedBetter ] R.I.P. Lexa...)
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that
Man, chocking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
did you ear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? well, he's dead.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.
i will always remember my grandfathers last words "ill just check if its poisonous".
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
One day a snail got robbed by two turtles. The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles)
1:My grandpa died last year 2:What kind of cancer? 1:He was hit by a bus! its called bus cancer
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?
Coldplay.
