Death jokes
What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?
An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.
What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?
Suicide.
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
Why do orphans never wake up in the morning? Their dad can’t wake them up.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.
Technoblade never got a wife.
Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.
Teacher: I am an orphan.
Students: Oof.
Teacher: Is there anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
The difference between George Floyd and Kobe Bryant is Kobe got air.
How do you make an emo jump?
A bridge.
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.