Death

Death Jokes

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

How do you know the hooker killed herself?

She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!