Death jokes

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?

Hug his parents.

What is George Floyd's pickup line?

You are breathtaking.

What would you do if you were killed?

Why was Hitler born? Because he got killed.

Wanna know why Kobe can't shoot?

Because he's dead.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

Kobe Bryant ain’t flying that well anymore.

One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.

I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"

What happened to Peter Pan when he jumped off the Twin Towers?

He Neverland.

My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.

Technoblade would love it here.

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.