When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
No one misses them.
What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.
What do school shooting jokes and school shooting victims have in common? They never get old.
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂
The flag at NAMBLA headquarters is flying at half mast.
What would you like as your last meal?
Fried chicken. Extra crispy.
When's the best day to get the chair? Fry-day.
What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?
Hitler killed 18 million and only died once.
Fucking camper!
