Death jokes

Q: Why did the teacher die?

A: Because he hated his life.

All you need is a razor blade in life.

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

How do you make a dead baby float?

1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...

I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!

Please don't kill [me].

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?

Because he died in the Cross 😈

What is Beethoven doing right now?

Nothing, because he is dead.

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.

Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

Where did Lucy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

It didn't have the guts to do it.

Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded?

Everywhere.

Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??

He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper

Sayo-nara.

Why can't Cleopatra ride a bicycle?

Because she's dead.