Death jokes
He's not really dead, his update failed.
Stephen Hawking isn't really dead, he's just rebooting.
He's dead now.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a BMW in my garage.
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.
What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.
What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
Q: Why did the teacher die?
A: Because he hated his life.
All you need is a razor blade in life.
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...