New Death Jokes - Page 156 - Worst Jokes Ever

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?

A sandy hook.

Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

I care when my computer crashes.

Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?

Mother: He died.

Daughter: How did he die?

Mother: He never got recharged.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Error, error, error.

System shutting down.

Why did Paul Walker cross the street?

Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

Stephen Hawking died because he got hacked by me, and the update was too strong.

How did Stephen Hawking die? He lost internet connection.

Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.

Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.

Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.

Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.

Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.

Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!

If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.