Death jokes
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument? (comment below)
What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
What's the difference between a pile of 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
A Mustang Challenger doesn't exist.
What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Mustang Challenger?
I don't have a Mustang Challenger in my garage.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
One time there was a squirrel who died.
It was funny because the squirrel got dead.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.