They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
Death Jokes
What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
You know Sally? She's dead now.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
What is red, white, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
