Death jokes
How to make an orphan die?
Tell them to yell until their folks come home.
What’s the best time to commit suicide?
8 a’glock in the morning.
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
What's a suicidal person's favorite type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
Bro told me this when he passed away.
I’m “Fading.”
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had "no-body" to go with.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
Someone on here said it previously:
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is until my mom took the urn away from me.
Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies?
Everywhere.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.