Death jokes

Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.

Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.

I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?

Doctor: To the morgue.

Man: But I’m not dead yet.

Doctor: Are we there yet?

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

Why is the graveyard so noisy?

Because of all the coffin : )

What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

Sayori: *dies*

Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊"

MC: "😨"

"Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?"

"It didn't have the guts!"

The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)

Said the man angered to his wife:

"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

I added Paul Walker on Xbox...

But he spends all his time on the dashboard.

Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?

The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.

The Earth was flat until yo mama buried herself.

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."