Dead

Dead jokes

Body

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

Doctor

I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!

Father

One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good night, Dad."

"Good night, Mamah."

"Good bye, Papa."

The next day her papa died.

He heard her saying them a month later.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good night, Dad."

"Good bye, Mamah."

The next day her mamah died.

Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good bye, Dad."

The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.

Baby

What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

You can't fuck a rock.

Memes

Baby

How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?

It depends how many bullets you have.

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  • Baby

    What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?

    Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...

    Baby

    How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

    Child

    My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

    Dread

    Roses are red,

    romance is dead,

    every day I suffer from existential dread.

    Fish

    What makes you guys high?

    I get high when I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

    Fish

    I still can’t forget that tiny little dead fish in my blue lunchbox.

    Sally

    Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?

    Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?

    Difference

    What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?

    I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

    Hacker

    If Red gets voted out, what happened?

    Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"

    Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"

    Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"

    Lime, Green, and Purple run.

    Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.

    Black killed Red. Black is the win.

    LOL

    Ear

    What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...

    Hooker

    What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.