Dead jokes
Why can't ghosts stay happy? Because they are too skeletal.
Hello people, my name is Osama.
I'm back from the dead and I want to blow you.
Dad: Alive.
Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).
Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.
Mother: Alive...
Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.
Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.
Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
Look, it's the dead center of town!
Why can't we see a camel?
Because it's camelflauged!
What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?
1 baby on 10,000 trees.
I'm dead inside.
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
What do you get when you cross Freddie Mercury and Dracula?
A dead man with AIDS.
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good night, Mamah."
"Good bye, Papa."
The next day her papa died.
He heard her saying them a month later.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good bye, Mamah."
The next day her mamah died.
Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good bye, Dad."
The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You can't fuck a rock.
Why did the clown stop smiling?
Someone chopped his lips off.
How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?
It depends how many bullets you have.
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
Why couldn't the dinosaur clap? They're dead!
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.