Dead jokes

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good night, Dad."

"Good night, Mamah."

"Good bye, Papa."

The next day her papa died.

He heard her saying them a month later.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good night, Dad."

"Good bye, Mamah."

The next day her mamah died.

Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good bye, Dad."

The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.

Why did the clown stop smiling?

Someone chopped his lips off.

What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

You can't fuck a rock.

How many dead babies does it take to paint my room?

It depends how many bullets you have.

How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

Why couldn't the dinosaur clap? They're dead!

What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?

Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

I'm Gay.

What type of apple grows on a tree?

All of them.

I still can’t forget that tiny little dead fish in my blue lunchbox.

What makes you guys high?

I get high when I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?

Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

If Red gets voted out, what happened?

Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"

Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"

Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"

Lime, Green, and Purple run.

Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.

Black killed Red. Black is the win.

LOL

What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...

What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.