Dead jokes
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*
Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*
Me: Well, shit.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
Who doesn‘t
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
Roses are red, I wish you were dead.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
What hood do zombies come from?
Dead Ends.
Why is the Reaper not funny at all?
Well, he tells dead jokes!
Why could dinosaurs not talk? Because they were dead.
What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?
"Panera, my parents are dead."