Dead jokes
I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."
What is the difference between a Walking Dead and you? He doesn't feel pain.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
Lol.
Roses are dead, violets smell like poo, I got a big fucking shotgun, what you gonna do?
Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?
What do you call a dad without a dad joke?
Dead.
What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?
You end up doing all the work.
The bear rug on Chuck Norris's floor isn't dead, it's just afraid to move.
My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.
Why can't my grandma talk?
Because she's dead.
So many things are going through my head.
How am I not dead yet?
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh.