Dead jokes

What do you call a downy under water?

Dead fish

What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?

I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.

If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.

Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.

Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*

Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*

Me: Well, shit.

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?

Answer: She’s dead.

Roses are red, I wish you were dead.

What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?

The cat is still alive.

What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?

Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.

What is Beethoven doing right now?

Nothing, because he is dead.

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

What’s an Emo’s favorite exercise?

The dead hang.

Corpses aren’t funny—they’re dead serious.

Why was the emo person dead inside?

Because I stole their insides.

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

Why could dinosaurs not talk? Because they were dead.

What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?

"Panera, my parents are dead."

What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?

Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...

5 4 3 2 1. I love the huge bright sun. 5 4 3 2 1. My life has just begun. Though Akeld and Unkown, make me feel alone, they want be dead, and off with my head, and all I said was... NO FRICKIN' HATIN' IN THESE COMMENTS! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!