Dead Jokes

Why is the Reaper not funny at all?

Well, he tells dead jokes!

What hood do zombies come from?

Dead Ends.

What is a necrophiliac's safe word?

"I'm alive!"

Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one. She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

An illustration shows a man in a white coat stating, "I don't know if the cat is dead or alive until I watch inside the box." A box is below with a text bubble stating "Miaow." Another bubble says "Shut Up."

He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

Play dead, they said.

Wasn't too hard.

I've been dead inside for years.

Ironic that this page is dead.

Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.

Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.

Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?

Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.