Dead Jokes

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride she says BOO! What kind of a dick fuck does that!

He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew He tucks it in his football sock Ayew, Ayew Shagged a bird and now she's dead Swung his cock around her head Jordan Ayew Palace number nine 🦅🔴🔵

I snorted a line of coke off my 8 year old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining. Probably because she was already dead

You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass produced coffin in a pre buried grave dug by machinery, that is then filled by mourners.

So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage

What yellow and can’t swim Your dead fish

The teacher is asking you a question. Teacher: If your biggest dream came true, what would you be? Me: dead.

what's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a computer?

i don't know I have both

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said “Your sister is dead!” sadly. The girl asked “She was skinny, right?” The mom said yes. The sister laughed “I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!”