Dead jokes
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
So Kobe Bryant walked into a bar, just kidding, he's dead and his fame went spiraling out of control.
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
X: Morning, sunshine!
Y: Oh, yeah. 30 minutes more.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?
Nothing, he was dead.
How do you know your baby is dead?
It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
Dead baby jokes never get old...
Dad: Alive.
Brother: Orphan (fault=Mother).
Me: Dead on the inside but sadly alive.
Mother: Alive...
Wait a minute... I thought you were dead, Mom... Right, you're dead to me at least.
Roses are red,
romance is dead,
every day I suffer from existential dread.