Day jokes
What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?
The type that gets raped a lot.
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”
The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”
Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”
Memes
What is an orphan's favorite day?
Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.
A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
'Cause 7 8 9.
But why did 7 eat 9?
'Cause you need 3 square meals a day :D
One day an orphan threw a boomerang, but it came back, just like its parents.
On the day of 9/11, the WTC's ordered cheese and pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
I poo 11 times a day.
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"
So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]
Today is the day, time for more jokes!
When do cows moo? Moosday.
Someday you'll go far.
One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.
Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."
Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.