Day jokes

What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?

The type that gets raped a lot.

Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.

It took Jesus 3 days to respond.

Worst lag ever!

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

You know what should give up and stay dead?

Fortnite.

What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

Someday you'll go far.

When do cows moo? Moosday.

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?

They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Today is the day, time for more jokes!

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"