Day jokes

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?

They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

When do cows moo? Moosday.

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.

Today is the day, time for more jokes!

So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?

My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

One day an orphan threw a boomerang, but it came back, just like its parents.

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.