Day jokes

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.

I made a website for orphans the other day... it doesn’t have a home page.

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

Yo mama so fat that if she didn't eat for a day, there would be enough food to feed Africans for 500 years.

What’s the difference between an emo and a pack of Oreos? The emo’s barcode gets longer every day.

What did the water say to the cup?

"Good day!"

One day, I was just chillin', being a tower. I saw a plane, but it was slowly growing.

Then it hit me.

I poo 11 times a day.

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?

My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 8 9.

But why did 7 eat 9?

'Cause you need 3 square meals a day :D

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.

I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!