Day Jokes

I had a party the other day. I made sure their were vegan options they make do or fuck off.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I was with my friend atom the other day he’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter and she asked which one was my kid and I said I haven't decided yet

One day I went to talk to my friend. "Hi John!" I said. No response. "Oh yea." I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button. "Hope that helps."

You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling. He never came back the next day, says the local news.

11/9 Is opposite day the towers fall on the planes instead of 9/11 way

Guy: Are you tired His “Crush”: No Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day His “Crush”: That’s sweet. Guy: I’m joking you don’t look like you do any running

Goodness, that's what Post Malone sounds like?

Give me some pre-Malone hip hop any day!

Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim parctice, and a bunch of hw, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!

Push yourself, because no one will do it for you.

Love y'all so much!

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day, i painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping, still had some extra space

Why do orphans miss Mother’s Day because they don’t have a mother to give to

Anonymous1 day ago A bomb is like a baby when you drop it everyone screams 2 0 0

This is a bad day for me?

one day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said,"First time?"