Day

Day jokes

Dad

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

Man

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

Blm

I don't get progressive leftists these days. They claim to be supporting BLM, but they aren't pro-life.

Wife

So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]

Scoliosis

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

Friend

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Accident

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

Wife

Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.

Orphan

My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.

Friend

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

Orphan

One day an orphan threw a boomerang, but it came back, just like its parents.

Father's Day

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

Receipt

I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!

Pizza

On the day of 9/11, the WTC's ordered cheese and pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.