Day jokes
What brings kids to school every day?
A school bus 🚌.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
Yo mama is so dumb, she'll watch edited Peppa Pig all day long.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...
I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.
Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.
What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?
The type that gets raped a lot.
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”
The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”
Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”
What is an orphan's favorite day?
Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.
A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!
One day an orphan threw a boomerang, but it came back, just like its parents.
On the day of 9/11, the WTC's ordered cheese and pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]
Today is the day, time for more jokes!
I poo 11 times a day.
Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"
And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."
Someday you'll go far.
One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.
Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."
Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"