Dating jokes

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.

The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"

Flat Earther pickup line: "The Earth may be flat, but Uranus is round."

Why can’t the blind man find love?

It’s called love at first sight.

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.

What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.

I dated a furry once.

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.

Why do people love dating orphans?

Because they're always home alone.

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.

If you know, you know. 😏😏

Why do men give cold women their jackets?

No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?

Because he was 2 squared.

Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?