Dating jokes

I like my dates like I like my wine...

Locked in a cellar and aged for 12 years.

What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.

what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?

sue the dating site for matching her with him.

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

I dated a furry once.

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.

Why do people love dating orphans?

Because they're always home alone.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.

Why do men give cold women their jackets?

No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏

I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.

If you know, you know. 😏😏

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?

Because he was 2 squared.

What’s the best part about fucking an emo chick?... she's limited edition.

Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.