Dating jokes
Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
A flirting tip for the boys
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.
It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
What do rocks and girls have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.