Dating jokes
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
A flirting tip for the boys
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either terrible news or great news.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.
It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.