Dating jokes
I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
Why did Chad date the 9 yr old?
Because Stellas hot.
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.
Her pants were on fire.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?
The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
My dick is hard, what's your name?
Are you a Chipotle bowl? Because I wanna eat you out.
Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?
Why not?
Too old.
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.