Date jokes

Why did 10 have trauma?

Because 10 was in the middle of 9/11.

First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"

HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"

Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?

Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.

My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.

Now she's having a breakfast.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.

Why is it better to date an orphan?

Their parents are never home.

"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

Your hairline dates so far back like when your dad left.

They told me I'd never be good at poetry.

But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...

Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.

What month has 28 days?

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Q: Why was 10 afraid?

A: Because he was always between 9/11.

BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.