Date jokes

Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

Tj: Good... you?

Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

Tj: 😏.

Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

Tj: NO!!!!!!

1 day later.

Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?

Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.

Why is six scared of seven? Because 7 8 9.

Then why was 10 scared? Because he was between 9/11.

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.

Are you a building?

Cuz I rate you 9/11.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

About to go on a date.

But she was late.

So I got some tape.

And eventually punished her with rape.

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.

Ever heard of account stealing?

Ever heard of someone by the name of "#SHUT THE HELL UP GWEN DON'T EVEN DATE PRINCE ON FACE BOOK!!!!!!!! I HATE IT WHEN UR HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"?

Five more days.

Why did the skeleton not go to prom?

Because he had no body to go with.

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.