Date jokes
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Why was 10 afraid?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Why did 10 have trauma?
Because 10 was in the middle of 9/11.
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when done with his black dates?
He dumped them.
What month has 28 days?
All of them.
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.
I whopped my daughter's butt because she doesn't listen.
I now have a court date for child abuse and crimes against a deaf person.
Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!
But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
Your hairline dates so far back like when your dad left.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!