Dark Humor
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
"Just say no to drugs!"
Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Crackers.
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
What’s worse than nailing 10 babies to 1 tree?
Nailing 1 baby to 10 trees.
I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.