Dark Humor
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
The "W" in Africa stands for water.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.
What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?
It's funnier when kids get it.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?
You’re breathtaking!
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans.
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
What were the balloon's last words to his Father?
"Watch me, Pop!"
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
"the floor is lava!"
- everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)