Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening. "Sure honey! If you suck my dick! So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!" "Oh yeah, I forgot" says the father "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.
DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.
MOM: No, you're not.
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.
Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage He should just go to his mom and dad
My Dad said he got me from the Shops and I remembered what grandpa said about him
I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk but I could never find him
jamal- dads CAN grow on trees joseph
joseph- no they dont
jamal- yes they do. ive seen it
joseph- ...... thanks not what you thought it was
Never say to a orphan “ bye buddy hope you find your dad”
one time i was watching tv mom: omg your dad is coming! me:omg really mom: sike i lied
My sister says, "Dad," and repeats it, and this is my dad: WOULD U STOP me? 😑
why did my dad cross the road.
to get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on american soil
everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.
