Dad Jokes

Sister: (moaning) go get mom, she'd love this Me: but Billy's with her right now Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM Dad: hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment..

MOM: honey im pregnet DAD:Hi pregnet im dad MOM:No your not

I remember my dad's last words "I met your father."

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Mom: That's why your dad left you.

Me: Why?

Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

Mom: Your dad had a heart attack 2 weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

(This actually did happen in real life) -_-

Me: Want to hear a joke? Friend: Sure Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me. Friend: What's funny about that? Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.

why did my dad cross the road.

to get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on american soil

I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.

Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage He should just go to his mom and dad

My Dad said he got me from the Shops and I remembered what grandpa said about him

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk but I could never find him

jamal- dads CAN grow on trees joseph

joseph- no they dont

jamal- yes they do. ive seen it

joseph- ...... thanks not what you thought it was

Never say to a orphan “ bye buddy hope you find your dad”

one time i was watching tv mom: omg your dad is coming! me:omg really mom: sike i lied

My sister says DAD and repeats and this is my dad WOULD U STOP me 😑

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"